Now that you are done with your poem, it's time to revise word choice, imagery, and figurative language. The use of a thesaurus or a vivid adjective/verb list and a great eraser become our best friends. Revision is NOT easy. In fact, it's challenging and even frustrating. But when it's all done, the reward is very satisfying.
Look at the beginning of every line: Does the same word appear in several lines? Revise it. Can you add ideas together with conjunctions or prepositions instead? Did you use weak verbs that don't create a specific image in your head?
Old Version:
He comes at night a big bad sight
He eats you on his toast
(Although there is alliteration, the word choice doesn’t do much for the poem. If I’m going for a “scary” tone, I have to use “scary sounding words.”) Try “eerie,” “ghastly,” “gruesome, or “gory.” And the word “comes” is weak. Does the subject “lurk,” “roam” or “creep”?
He eats you on his toast (The verb “eats” is okay, but words like “devour,” “nibbles,” or “munches” are far better. Instead of using “He” again, add an –ing to the verb:
New Revised version:
He lurks at night a ghastly sight
Devouring your bones
See the difference? I've got chills, they're multiplying. (Oops, sorry couldn't resist the reference to Grease. :)
More Helpful Hints:
Problem 1 - Wrong Rhyme Scheme:
Oops! You changed from ABCB to ABBB in one of your stanzas, what now?! Here are some easy ways to adjust your poem.
Example mistaken poem:
She comes by night, in fearsome flight
In garments black as pitch.
Without a glitch she’ll always snitch,
The wild and wicked witch.
Option 1 – Choose different words for the internal rhyme on line 3.
Without a care, she’ll always dare
Option 2 – Invert some words on line 3 (Also known as Yoda talk) –which can be very effective if not overdone – but it’s great because you’re keeping your main vocabulary words and thus you’re keeping your tone and message.
To bring malaise, she’ll snitch always
(I was able to invert the second part of the line and then found a word keeping the tone to change the first part of the line).
Option 3 – Change your first word choice with a synonym (similar meaning word).
Option 4 – Change the end rhyme words instead of the internal rhyme words.
Problem 2 – All the lines begin the same way.
Example mistaken poem:
She hurtles by, she sweeps the sky
She hurls a piercing screech.
She swoops right past; her spell is cast
She sends her curses to each.
Option 1 – Drop the she and change the verb to a participle phrase –
She hurtles by, she sweeps the sky
Hurling a piercing screech.
Option 2- Invert the verbs (switch the order – more Yoda talk)
Sends curses, she does to each.
Option 3 – Use prepositions (Yankee Doodle Song) or conjunctions (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So)
She hurtles by, she sweeps the sky
And hurls a piercing screech.
As she swoops past a spell is cast
On all her curses reach.
Keep working on it. I know it's challenging. I believe in you. :)